Stardate: September 16, 2005

Woman, if you shove your boob in my face one more time, I am going to bite you. Sigh. Can you not see I am in pain? I am four months old, for crying out loud (oh, and I will. I. Will.), and do you see this? Do you?! Yes, that's right; two teeth buds. Upper jaw. Look: Here, and here. It's not natural, Woman; whose side of the family may I scream at? Get me a pen; I'm lodging a complaint. No, YOU take the notes. It is not right, nor fair that I should be getting teeth, and not just any teeth, but my canines. What the blazing diaper rash is THAT all about?! I don't even have a jaw line big enough to start getting teeth. And I am not wearing braces twelve years from now because of some defective gene one of you passed on to me, I can tell you that right now. Get me my blankie... Thank you. How about that binkie? Oh yeah, that's better -- tsk, NO, I do NOT want the boob. Good lord, woman; you'd think I had a fistful of dollar bills in my hand, the way you whip that thing out for me at my slightest squawk. Yes, I KNOW I haven't been eating much lately; I'm TEETHING. It hurts to eat. All right, you know what? This isn't working. Do me a favor, get the Dark Haired One over here - he had a glass of something purple, and he rubbed a little on my gums a minute ago - he knows where it's at. Pffth - Mother's Touch, my bum.