Hallelujah and Pass the Pretzel Rods

So, Kane FINALLY got back (I hope) on some sort of sleeping pattern I can live with, ie., only waking up once, maybe twice, during the night. People, you may criticize me for having no will to toughen my thirteen-month-old son up enough so he learns not to be thirsty for 12 straight hours (I can't even hold out that long, fer God's sake), but I'll take the 3 or 4 a.m. break to give my son some juice and rock him to sleep and I'll love it, because I know a time very soon will come during which my son won't want that anymore because he'll be a "big boy." And I'll rue the day I listened to books instead of my instinct, as tweaked as it can be. And you know, the mid-evening break is a hell of a lot better than what I've experienced the past week, which is, Hey Mom, Let's Get Up Every Hour or Half Hour and Just Not Know What We Want. I know it was from teething and - I believe now, since I went through it the past two days - a slight bug that makes you miserable with a sore throat and just enough nasal congestion to be annoying. I believe the past two nights of relative calm, coupled with my husband's return from a two-day trip to SoCal, somewhat restored my sanity; I'm not so edgy anymore, which roughly translates to me not wanting to string my son up in a ceiling harness and plug my ears with baby socks so I could take a NAP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KID! And I am only too aware that Kane sensed I was no picnic to be around, either, but lo, this weekend, we have once again showered one another with such affection as to make the angels weep. Or something. I also seem to have found my cognitive skills once more, or so I think, since I was able to have a coherent conversation with Phil this morning as we walked down to Montclair Village and ate breakfast with the boy. One of the subjects we touched on was feeling relevant in the world, and what it takes to sustain that feeling, and whether you can change your life and still capture that feeling to your satisfaction. We talked at length about it from Phil's perspective, about his life and his world, and about our s together. And it was funny, because when we came to talking about my own world, I had to confess, after thinking about it out loud, that I've never felt more relevant in my life. And it's at a point in time in which I'm not Career Girl or Traveling Girl, but a mother and wife. I'm not just that, but those are my full-time jobs, now. Top it with the fact that I've set a goal for myself to edit this piece of work I wrote back in November, and it adds a new dimension to my sense of self, or a sense of pride I have in accomplishing something I had always hoped to do. Well, but, getting back to the relevance theme: What was funny was how I was telling Phil that I never thought I'd get such an indescribably good feeling out of being a mom or wife, and how, in fact, I used to scoff at people who said they got such fulfillment out of what I thought were such banal roles in life. Phil was laughing with me, saying it was interesting how so many people chide what they're ignorant about. Anyway, bad weather, good conversation, good grown-up time and good family time today. And I get to go bowling later (I'll explain a different time), what more could you ask for?