Childproofing Bites

I have spent days, nay, weeks, slooooowly trying to get my house childproofed. I figure I should be done by the time Kane is in high school, at which time I will need to put bars on his bedroom window, more to keep the chicks out than keep him in. It's my fault (duh) it's taking so long, but jaysus, he's my beautiful, beautiful shnooks, and I can't even manage to get a little revved up to put wire guards down and drill in all those damned child locks. Who needs this many godforsaken cabinets, anyway? The only cabinets that are really safe (without me altering them) are the wine cabinets, and mommy can't even sneak the pleasure of opening them all by her big self. Six-and-a-half more months, and oh, wait, crap; breastfeeding. Oh, wait, again: Pump and dump is available after reserve supply is frozen. Mmmm, six-and-a-half more months... Meanwhile, my nine-month-old blithely moves to chomp on the extention cords I haven't yet covered. Anyway, I think I was hoping Kane would be so genius-like, he would learn after a time or two that he should be oh-so-careful near the top of the stairs. Yeah, no, that never happened. He would crawl to the edge, drop toys down to see how far they'd roll, smile, sit up and twist himself around to look for mommy so that his back was to the top of the stairs (causing mommy to lunge at him with a lump in her throat and what was probably a very unconvincing smile pasted on her mug in the hope she would convey to her child there was no reason to panic panic panic). I love his innocence and the fact he's so trusting, but I had to buckle down and come to terms with the fact that he is not as intuitive as I'd like (read: intuitive enough for mommy to be lazy). He knows when mommy is sad, but he doesn't know that the stove is hot. I wonder if he knows whether the stove is sad. I'd like to know that. So, I spent the day drilling holes. I'm about halfway done childproofing the house. I still need to figure out how to convince Genius Boy that the cat food he's been munching on from Beeswax's dish in the kitchen isn't all that. Maybe I should buy crappier cat food; I tried a piece, and it wasn't horrible. Just wasn't all that. Maybe I should put a dish of Cheerios down next to the cat food and see what he goes for. Experiments with Infants.